there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
