So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
