the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
