I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
