Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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