DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
