I accidentally burped into my bong.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Randomize
