i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Randomize
