See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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