as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
