Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
