That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
