apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
