Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
