$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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