You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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