Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You're a waste of cheezeits
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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