Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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