I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
