we made out on top of his cat.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
