i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
