At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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