I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
