Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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