Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
im holly from the hills drunk
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
