It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
