alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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