The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
