we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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