Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
