I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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