We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
