Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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