this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
