did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
