whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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