You really coming over, don't trick.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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