how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
