Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
