Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Boobs speak an international language.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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