i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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