He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
