his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
