hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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