SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
