last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
