Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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