Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
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