my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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