Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
