What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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