I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
