May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
