I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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