I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
