Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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